


The Great Known Unknown

by BlizzardRose



Category: Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: Alliances, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anti-Hero, Badass Kit Snicket, But He Still Wants The Baudelaires And Lemony Dead, Don't Get Me Wrong He's Still Got His Olaf Tendancies, Dubious Morality, F/M, Firefighters, Frenemies, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kitlaf, Olaf Only Cares About Kit, Older Baudelaires, Past Relationship(s), Sassy, V.F.D., Villains to Heroes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-18 01:50:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 16,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9360275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlizzardRose/pseuds/BlizzardRose
Summary: AU: Four years after escaping the island, a not-so-dead Olaf finds he has no choice but to work with the Baudelaire siblings who are not children anymore as well as his ex-flame Kit Snicket who wouldn't be alive if Olaf hadn't saved her from dying in childbirth on the island. Seeing no other option than to defect to the fire-fighting side of V.F.D. Olaf and his former enemies, now his closest allies, must put the pieces together to a new sinister mystery than are more threatening than Olaf himself ever was.





	1. You're Not Dead, You're Not Dead

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all!
> 
> So, I've loved ASoUE for like 13 years and now thanks to Netflix I'm finally getting to write something that has been in my head roughly since I first read the books as a kid. I've got a bit written but so far I'm only posting chapter 1 to see if anybody has as much interest in this idea as I do! Feel free to bookmark and comment, that really helps me know what you think!

CHAPTER 1

OLAF

 

I could not believe I was doing this.

Four years after getting off that godforsaken island I found myself sitting in the living room of the penthouse that was once the annoying ex-groupie of mine Esme Squalor’s at 667 Dark Avenue with the children that I suppose were not children anymore (and as much as I hated it, I had developed a grudging respect for).

Violet Baudelaire was now twenty or so and she had a necklace of the V.F.D. insignia of an eye around her neck. Her long dark hair was now cut short almost reaching her chin and her inventions of all kinds of devices scattered the once abandoned penthouse. Klaus, the bookworm boy, was now around eighteen and he himself had the V.F.D. tattoo on his ankle much like I had gotten around that age before the Schism. The little girl, Sunny, was seven at the oldest but I could not deny th little one was a decent chef able to make meals far beyond a simple mac and cheese.

“Mulctuary Money Management has shut down,” a newspaper was thrown onto the coffee table by Kit (possibly short for Katherine) Snicket. Her painted nails seemed to contrast the stark white paper and black ink upon it, “As it should have. Years ago.”

“Arthur Poe is dead,” I said, “He died in the fire that destroyed the Hotel Denouement five years ago. If he hadn’t, I probably would have ended up slaughtering him myself. That buffoon.”

“Shut up,” Kit snapped, “This is actually a problem. The bank was burned down. Now I know you might be adept at doing that, Olaf, but this means that they’re still out there.”

“The fire starters,” Violet Baudelaire said, “I thought they had all died.”

“You forget I’m standing in front of you,” I said, “or perhaps the last five years have been erased from your mind.”

“I mean your troupe,”she snapped back at me, “But you do realize what burned with that bank, don’t you?The Quagmire sapphires.”

“Shit,” I sighed as I took a bite of the pasta with Alfredo sauce the young Sunny had made for the night. Sometimes you have to wonder how a renowned thespian ended up here with the ones he was supposed to make miserable….

 

FLASHBACK- FOUR YEARS AGO

I didn’t know why, but when the very pregnant Kit Snicket washed up on a pile of books on the shores of Olafland I felt strangely inclined to actually help her. After the buffoon Ishmael unknowingly released the deadly Medusoid Mycelium upon everyone on this coastal shelf, including himself and Kit Snicket, I found myself eating the horseradish coated apple the girl Violet offered me. “Kit needs us, and she needs you too,” she said seemingly willing to put behind her the rich history between us if for a moment.

“She’s due to give birth,” the bookworm boy said, “We can’t help her without you. But she can’t have an apple because it’s bad for the baby.”

“Then she’ll die,” I said, “surely well read children know that.”

“Secretly,” Violet said as she walked closely to me, “I feel like some part of you doesn’t want her to die, do you? So for once in your life, show up and be noble. It might save you as well as it will her. Now, what do we have here on the island that we can use to help her?” Damn, the orphan was correct for once.

“Are there any medical supplies here?” I asked as I rose to my feet slowly, gratefully coming to the realization that the harpoon that was responsible for the impending death of the islanders around us had actually somehow missed my stomach because of the firm encasing of the helmet. “Surely that idiot has at least something we can use.”

At that moment, Kit screamed.

“Not today, we’re not doing this,” I said more to myself as I broke into the biggest tent on the island which belonged to the mayor who now found his throat closing due to the final stages of the deadly fungus’ infection. In the sand lay an old satchel of sorts. I dropped to my knees and dug in it to find one syringe labeled LIDOCAINE and I snatched it.

“I don’t have time to explain anything,” I said to the others as I returned to the edge of the shore of the coastal shelf to lift Kit from the pile of books and after I put her down I took the needle and stabbed it into her leg hoping this thing could get out of her quickly enough for me to shove an apple down her throat and the fix her broken legs….

 

PRESENT

 

“Duncan, Isadora, and Quigley disappeared,” Violet said as she went to put her plate in the dishwasher, “We haven’t heard a word from them since escaping the Mortmain mountain range. We think the Great Unknown might have sucked them in.”

“Oh hell no,” I found myself saying aloud. Even as the head of the fire-starting side of V.F.D. I had a fear of the object known as the “Great Unknown”- fittingly shaped like a question mark rumored to float around the sea and claim victims into an abyss that no one has returned from. Kit looked around her as if to make sure young Sunny and Kit’s own four-year-old child Bea were not around before saying the word each of us was thinking: “Fuck.”

She hopped up on one of the counters in the kitchen that we had all somehow migrated to so we might clear our plates. Kit’s high heeled shoes swung on her feet as she landed on the counter but personally I could never get the image of her, with both legs broken and a torn perineum that I had been forced to repair with makeshift stitches Violet had constructed, out of my head even four years after the fact.

“What exactly is the Great Unknown?” Klaus asked, “It’s been mentioned before but what is the significance of it? Is it noble or villainous?”

“That depends on which side of V.F.D. you ask,” Kit replied.


	2. Reluctant Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys!
> 
> If you like stories about miserable orphans working alongside a former enemy then I'm sorry to say this is the story for you. Anyway, here is chapter 2 and I'm so excited by all the hits/kudos the first chapter is getting but I'd also love to hear from you in the comments. Comment a question and I'll try to answer it or even suggest something and I can easily work it in at some point!

CHAPTER 2

VIOLET

 

I washed the dishes off and put them into the dishwasher as a playlist of songs from my smartphone. As the sun was setting a ray bounced off my gold necklace making the eye charm glimmer. “If it’s a villain, what sort of threat would it be?” I wondered.

“Anyone who was trained with V.F.D. is taught from day one that if the Great Unknown is evil then it could be worse than anything you can imagine,” Olaf said, “That’s why even the fire-starting side is afraid of it. If you Baudelaire's believe me wicked, which would be accurate clearly, imagine something far worse than anything I ever did to you.”

“He’s right,” Kit was saying, “and I can’t imagine what that looks like.”

Klaus went over to the island and he tapped his finger on a book that I saw was called A Short History of the Volunteer Fire Department. “Why is this not mentioned here?” he wondered, “I’ve read the whole thing.’

“Really Klaus Baudelaire? Then did it occur to you that chapter thirteen of that book is missing? Did you ever think that we didn’t want just anyone to know what the Great Unknown was capable of? That book was written before the schism and after both sides went after every known copy for the sole purpose of erasing the possibility of common knowledge of the Great Unknown.”

“But some copies are still in existence that have some pages of chapter thirteen intact,” Kit told us, “One of them is behind a Very Fastened Door.”

“That could be anywhere,” Sunny said as she came in, holding the hand of the little four-year-old Bea who looked very much like her mother, “Does anyone know?”

“I’ve personally never seen a whole copy of Chapter Thirteen, just fragments,” Kit said, “I was always told that the only people who knew where the complete copies of the chapter were after the schism are all dead now. But legend holds that some copies were outfitted with pages of the hidden chapter and one of them is in Paltryville.”

“You have got to be kidding,” Klaus said.

“We’ve no choice,” Olaf reasoned, “That building was, before the schism, a V.F.D. safehouse and once the schism happened the fire-fighting side abandoned it because they know the fire-starters knew where it was so they wouldn’t be safe there and it was abandoned until decades later when Orwell took up her hypnotism practice.”

“Was she a part of V.F.D.?” I imagine that question had haunted Klaus for the better part of the past years since we had been whisked away from Paltryville.

“She knew about the fire-starting side and worked for us while you children were living in Paltryville. We knew about her hypnotism skills and as we all know they came in use.”

“Orwell is dead.”

“So are most of the residents of Paltryville that you knew.”

“The mill is closed,” Kit said as she took little Bea on her lap after she had gotten down from the granite countertop and come to the table. I took the moment to excuse myself to my room which had been the one I had occupied when we had lived with Jerome and Esmé Squalor. Now the room was full of my clothes and things, including a map Quigley (a cartographer in training) had given me. I looked at it and smiled, the locations of safe houses marked with the drawing of an eye above it.

“He’s right,” I said as I folded the map and putting it in my coat.

I came back into the kitchen as Sunny was shutting the dishwasher and I put the map on the counter, “Quigley Quagmire is a cartographer. He gave me this map with all the safe-house locations identified that he knew of the last time I saw him and I noticed the eye shaped building in Paltryville was labeled ‘HQ’. There’s a library at the mill I remember, do you think a complete copy of the book could be there?”

“It could be,” Kit said, “It’s the best lead we have. When are we leaving? We need to make arrangements for Bea, and Sunny if she’s not coming.”

“I’m coming,” Sunny said, “We’re going to need food there and no one’s better to do that than me.”

“I’ll call my brother Lemony to see if he can take Bea,” Kit pulled out her own smartphone, “If we leave by the morning we can make it there by mid afternoon. We can stay somewhere close or we could just raid the library and hope they didn’t get to the pages before we did.”

“Who all is left of the fire starting side?” Klaus wondered, “Fernald and Fiona defected. And I don’t imagine your other troupe members are smart enough to successfully start a fire.”

“For once, bookworm, you have an excellent point.”

“So in that case, the fire-starting side is extinct.”

“Damn it, orphan, before that I was really beginning to think you were intelligent but after that comment I’d have to abandon that theory.”


	3. Have The Courage To Live, Anyone Can Die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello unfortunate readers!
> 
> So here's the next chapter in this bizarre tale of the Baudelaires. I'm glad people are liking this and giving kudos, keep it up! It's awesome as a writer to see others interested. Don't be shy to comment if you have a question or idea, I'd love to hear it! Also if you're really into unfortunate stories bookmark this one so you can torture yourself further by getting alerts about when I update.

CHAPTER 3

KIT SNICKET

 

That next morning I got up at dawn and took a shower and as I was getting out the door to the room I had claimed as mine in the penthouse opened. I had just tied a towel around myself when my guest got to the door of my bathroom, “OLAF. KNOCK,” I said irritably.

“Kit. No,” he smirked and I rolled my eyes at him, “And just so you know, I’m just as disturbed as you are by that newest chapter in our history.”

“Yes, because having my ex-lover deliver Dewey Denouement’s child was just thrilling for me as I writhed in pain on a coastal shelf,” I said as I went to the closet to pick out something to wear for the journey, deciding on a simple black jumpsuit. I took the towel from my hair and my dirty blonde hair fell to my mid back. “Not many things, as I understand, have traumatized you but I’m glad I could have a hand in something that did.”

“Your brother is alive,” he switched subjects as I once again closed the door to the bathroom so I could change in peace, “I always thought he died long ago.”

“Funny sometimes how things aren’t always as they seem,” I replied as I slipped into the jumpsuit and did the neck buttons at the top.and I put on my heeled boots that went with it. 

“Dying is too easy, Katherine Damaris Snicket. You, of all people should know that; you could have just refused to eat that apple after I delivered the Denouement child but you chose the hard thing and lived.” As he spoke I couldn’t help but go back in my mind and almost feel the lidocaine spread through my system from my legs and I blinked to get the memory out of my head. 

“I’m going now. I mean you’re welcome to stay here if you like but I’m going to go look for Chapter Thirteen.”

He trailed at my heels as I made it in time to the front room for the doorbell to ring. I opened the door to find my younger brother (who I hadn’t seen in about a decade) standing there in a suit. “The world is quiet here,” he said.

“Indeed it is,” I said, “Sorry for the short notice, Lemony, but matters are urgent. Bea is in her room asleep, it’s the room that’s second on the left. We should be back tonight or later depending.”

“Go,” my brother said, “I’ll be fine.” I nodded and picked up my bags and I went to join the Baudelaires (whom I guessed were already in the car). I raced down the steps and threw my luggage in the back of the Pathfinder and I went to get in the driver’s seat but Olaf was already there.

“Hilarious,” I said unimpressed, “Get in the shotgun seat.”

“Make me,” he smiled deviously.

“It’s a shame you don’t hold your own V.F.D. issued knife in high regard after all the people it’s slain, including my other brother. It’d be a shame if you found it missing and then it was used to slit your own throat in an act of pure irony,” all males in V.F.D. upon induction were given a knife for defense (some bullshit patriarchal rule I personally had campaigned to either be brought down or amended to include females) and stealing Olaf’s from him had been child’s play. I patted my purse slung over y body.

“Devious of you, Katherine, you should have defected with me when I did.”

I ignored him and he got out and got back in on the other side without retrieving his knife from my possession. I handed my purse back to Violet before I started the car. “There is no V.F.D. anymore, it’s just us and some others.”

 

FLASHBACK

 

Holy shit was the only thought I could manage through the haze of euphoria brought upon by the end of a tortuous labor. I opened my eyes and turned my head to see Violet and Sunny Baudelaire smiling at me, “You had a baby,” the littlest Baudelaire said, “A pretty girl.”

I smiled at her words right as I felt someone lift my head and I saw Klaus Baudelaire. “Kit. Keep your eyes open, you have to hang on and eat this,” he didn’t wait to shove what tasted like a bitter apple in my mouth and my instincts told me to bite it and eat it despite the fungus that was starting to close my airway but let go the instant that bitter fruit came in its path. I gasped for air after the whole apple had been forced down my throat and I tried to sit up to see my child. “Your legs were both broken,” Klaus told me, “Olaf reset them but stay down for now to rest.” Is he serious? I wondered as I began laughing in my head until I looked at the boy and realized he was. Scattered around where my head lay were various supplies including cloth and a bucket of water but I wasn’t able to figure out why these items held a significance.

“Keep her down,” I heard Olaf now (fuck, this was real) “There’s a small nick on her. Get me the antiseptic, bookworm.” That I understood and I hoped that the cruelty of the universe wasn’t such that my old flame had to stitch me up from a perineal tear from delivery but then again, life was severely unfair.

“Stitches?” Sunny asked.

“No,” Olaf snapped, “But if this wound isn’t cleaned she’ll die from infection.”

Son of a bitch.


	4. Lachrymose and Larry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear readers,
> 
> Thanks again for the hits on this unfortunate tale. Despite the dismay of the story it's been a delight to work on and there is much more to come I'm afraid. Keep the hits coming as well as the kudos to let me know that you're enjoying it! Also, if you'd be so kind drop a comment by with any thoughts!

CHAPTER 4

KLAUS

 

Turn your back, you’re a broken man.

As the car sped out of the city I looked at the picture on my phone I had taken of the map Violet had been given by Quigley. I noticed one of the places marked as safe was our old mansion that was linked to 667 Dark Avenue through the streets of the city that I had grown up in but now felt foreign to me. Nothing was here anymore and all the people I knew here were either dead or a million miles from me. 

Kit had the radio on and a song by Justin Timberlake and Madonna was playing as I stared at that picture on my phone. As I’m sure Violet thought of Quigley, I found myself thinking of Fiona and the chance she had to defect to the fire-fighting side, if there actually were defined sides anymore. Defection was possible or I was just dreaming this whole thing. “Is Fiona alive?” I felt like I had to know, like it would put me at ease somehow.

“She and Fernald defected. I believe they were also sucked into this thing,” Olaf said, “They stole that boat, the Carmelita, and I haven’t heard any word since. They could be anywhere, dead or alive.”

“V.F.D. as I knew it is extinct,” Kit said as she drove, “All we are is a bunch of rogue agents not trusting anyone else who claims to be fighting for the same thing. It’s unfortunate.’

“Life is unfortunate,” Olaf came back with, “get used to it."

Kit nodded in agreement and turned up the radio as we drove on the outskirts of the city. I seemed to recall that Paltryville wasn’t far from Lake Lachrymose was so once we reached the lake we’d be close. “I forgot how pretty the country was,” Sunny was saying, “Maybe once we get to the lake we can stop by the Anxious Clown. Does Larry still work there?”

“I think so. That’s a good idea, Sunny,’ Violet said, “Yes, let’s do that.”

Once we reached the lake’s main town after catching a ferry I found myself standing in the main square beside my seven-year-old sister as she looked around like she remembered it just as well as I. “Let’s go,” Kit said as she tucked Olaf’s knife into the holster belt on her outfit. She led us with Olaf at her side and I walked behind them, my own V.F.D. knife incased on my belt.

The Anxious Clown hadn’t changed and the amount of neon lights was still enough to send even the least anxious person alive into an anxiety attack. “Hi, five of us,” Kit said, “Is Larry in?”

“He is. I’ll let him know. I didn’t realize this was a sad occasion, Ms. Snicket.” Kit smiled as the host led us to a table for five. My sisters and I slid into one side of the booth and Kit and Olaf slid on to the other.

“They’re all in on this,” I said.

“This place has been a known volunteer safe-house since we believed there was going to be an open-war between the opposing factions. Given, that didn’t happen but even five years ago it was still a very great possibility. Now it seems like for once our greater enemy is external if this Great Unknown is villainous.”

“Open war? There wouldn’t be enough people on either side to raise an army,” I said.

“Sometimes, Baudelaire, your stupidity astounds me,” Olaf said with irritation, “Of course neither side could raise an army but a war can be conducted by other means. Starting fires, perhaps.”

“Kit Snicket?” Larry hadn’t changed much physically it looked to me, he still had the clown paint on him but he did seem to lose the anxious nature he had last time I had met him. Kit rose to her feet and hugged him. “You escaped the Hotel Denouement fire. I was afraid you had perished.”

“I wasn’t at the hotel when it burned,” she said, “I was still posing as a taxi driver.”

“The child?”

“She’s four now, named Beatrice but called Bea. Dewey, Ernest, and Frank are all dead.”

“Oh dear.”

“There are no sides anymore, Larry, it’s just a bunch of rogues running around not trusting anyone. Be careful, will you?”

“Of course,” he took out a notepad and like the conversation had never taken place he said, “Welcome to the Anxious Clown. My name’s Larry, what can I get you to drink?”

After he had gone, Violet asked Kit, “Larry was one of us?”

“He was recruited after you three went to live with Josephine to keep an eye out for you and report to us if we needed to intervene. Since then, he’s been one of the noblest agents.”

“I see.”


	5. Skirmish at Veritable French Diner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Readers,
> 
> So glad you are continuing to read this story. As miserable as the story is it feels fantastic as a writer to see that it has picked up a following. Also if you're really enjoying, bookmark it so you can be noted when I update or comment to give feedback, I'd really appreciate it. The kudos coming in are great so keep it up.

CHAPTER 5

? NARRATION 

 

They were too easy to fool.

I waited for them to arrive, having traced the location of the phone used by Kit Snicket to call back to Paltryville, a town I despised. The only reason I knew of that anyone would go there now was to look for pieces of Chapter Thirteen and the idiot woman had confirmed my suspicion. Perhaps her party even had a piece of it and I knew I would stop at nothing to get it.

As they say in the American South, it’s about to be a throw down. 

I stood in the shadows as the party of five came in, the darkness of night hiding me aptly as the unsuspecting hostess took the party to their table. The poison darts I held in a box could be jumping with excitement if they had been alive when I realized three of the party were the Baudelaires. That made things better.

But the fifth person, I couldn’t believe it.

Olaf was alive. I had assumed he had burned with the hotel. Why was he with the Baudelaires? Had he abandoned the cause? Was I all that was left? I decided to move stealthily along the path of the guests. They were sat in the back which made things far easier in my case because the others enjoying an unsuspicious dinner wouldn’t notice if some of the customers in the back had died. I noticed their waiter had come up to take their drink order and I waited.

He seemed to be there for an annoyingly long time but as he finally came within my range and I took the knife from my coat and threw it. It hit him in the throat just as I had planned and his corpse slowly fell to the ground but I ran fast enough to retrieve it that no customer saw what had just befallen the man. I grabbed his hat and put it on along with his name tag before throwing his body into a corner behind a flower pot that held a rather large fern. I grabbed the little notepad with customer orders on it and I went to fetch the drinks.

I made the drinks and I took out my box of darts and poisons and I lined the rim on the glass of water meant for Kit Snicket with the poison. Of all of them she and the little Baudelaire would be the easiest target. I hid the box and I took the drinks to the table. “The world is quiet here,” I said to them watching how they would react.

I served the drinks, serving Kit Snicket’s in the middle to not draw attention to it. “Have you decided on what to eat?” I asked, assuming my disguise.

“For a quiet world, the silence is deafening,” Olaf said as he stood up and circled around me. “I must say I never thought I would see you again. I had hoped you had learned a thing or two from me but this proves me wrong.”

“You gave up,” I said looking at those shiny eyes that still did terrify me as much as I did not want to admit it, “And so I have to continue the work you laid the grounds for."

“Well I assure you that you wouldn’t do it half as well as I would have,” he said as he picked up the poisoned-rimmed water glass meant for Kit Snicket’s lips and he threw it in the direction of my head but I managed to dive out of the trajectory of its path milliseconds before its impact. I wished I had brought my gun to this knife fight that was about to break out. “You always did disappoint me,” he said, “Shame you haven’t changed.”

I lunged at him, sick of the passive comments at how weak I was. If he was so strong why didn’t he fight me himself instead of taunting me? I swung the sharp blade at his throat but he parried the blow with ease. The Baudelaires got up from the table and I had the time to open my box of darts and throw one in the direction of Sunny Baudelaire because I figured killing her would spite her siblings into fighting me because all she was still a helpless little thing.

But she too dodged my efforts by jumping out of the way and skidding under the table. The dart landed instead wedged in the leg of a chair and I was about to pull another when Kit Snicket’s knife met just where I was holding my own blade. I rose and took a swing at her throat but she ducked and took a jab at my shoulder and her knife cut through the fabric of my coat. 

“I was expecting nothing less of this,” she said, “But you’re not stronger than me. You never were.”

“You have an ability to swing close to the darker side of this organization, Katherine, and it’s a pity you didn’t defect. You loved the very leader of our cause and it seems your love redeemed him. It sickens me.”

I did not expect to be lifted by my throat, but a second after that comment I was gasping for air and my feet dangling. Olaf had his hand around my throat and he said in a deadly quiet voice, “You think I’m afraid of you? I will kill you right here in front of Katherine and I won’t regret it. But if I killed you, it’d be no fun. For me that is.”

He threw me onto the table and my clothes were now covered in French food. “You might want to get out of here,” he told me, “I hear a fire truck coming this way and I think the place they’re headed has some sort of significance to you.”

“What did you do?”

“That’s for me to know and for you to find out rather quickly isn’t it? I will always be one step ahead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So who is this mysterious person? I'd love to hear who you all think it is with comments!


	6. Sing, O Goddess, Of The Rage Of Katherine Snicket

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers,
> 
> As always thank you for continuing to read and like this story despite the misery it may bring you. Keep the lovely feedback coming, as it's very important to me as an author to hear from readers. Also I've been reading other ASoUE stories on here and am loving them, so if you have any suggestions of ones you liked let me know in the comment section!

CHAPTER 6

KIT SNICKET

 

“You started that fire,” I accused Olaf as we exited the place.

“There’s a lot about the fire-starting side you don’t understand, Katherine. And I’ll be damned if I’m out-villained by someone I myself trained.” We were just now leaving the restaurant with stains of food on our clothes but none of us cared much, the adrenaline still coursing through us. In the surrounding city life seemed to go on.

“Waste of good food,” Sunny muttered and honestly I had to agree. I was rather fond of French dishes myself. To Olaf, Sunny said, “One of them is alive? Fernald?”

“Fernald fears me too much to pull a stunt like that. They all do,” he said, “And if they don’t they’re fools. I imagine you and your siblings still fear me, monkey.”

“Not wrong,” Sunny said.

“New plan,” he said, “We’ve got to burn that place down. With any remaining villains possibly knowing where it is it’s no longer safe. And, lucky for you, I’m very apt at starting fires.”

Back at the apartment I found my brother had put my daughter to bed already. “I must go, but I’ll be back tomorrow for Bea. If you don’t mind, sister, I’m going to take her away with me until this has been settled,” he told me as we had just came in the door.

“Thank you, Lemony. I appreciate it.”

“What happened at Veritable French Diner tonight?” he asked me after he had pulled me aside. I found it unsurprising that Lemony already knew about the skirmish despite it only being about an hour after the fact.

“In time, all questions will be answered,” I said and he nodded. Within seconds he nodded and was out of the penthouse. After he left I went to the fridge to get myself a glass of wine. Violet was in the kitchen too and I poured her a glass of wine as well. She smiled in thanks, “I think we all need one,” I said, “Especially after that.”

“That man knew you,” she said, “Olaf trained him?”

“Yes.”

“If Olaf trained him we have to know him,” she took a sip of wine as did I and I shook my head.

“Not exactly,” I said as she and I moved to the living room where Olaf and Klaus were. I imagined Sunny had gone to bed in the room across from Bea’s. “I survived childbirth with two broken legs while a fungus closed my airways,” I said starting to get irritated at the events of the night, “I’ll be disgraced if I’m killed by members of my own goddam organization. This whole thing chaps me. And, did you hear what that bastard said to me?” I demanded of Olaf who stood up.

“Katherine.”

“Do not ‘Katherine’ me, Olaf.”

He took my shoulders in his hands and made me face him, like he used to when I was about to get angry over something undeserving of my anger, “Look at me, my dear. You want to kill him, I know the feeling. You will but now is not the time to waste the anger needed to do so on him now.”

“He said I could have defected, but I wouldn’t…”

“You’re letting him win, now, Katherine. I thought you better than that,” he said, “Deep breaths. Yes.” His hands still held me in their grasp and I could find myself going back to a time when I was younger but this exact situation would play out.

“We’ve had a day,” Klaus said, “I’m retiring to bed if you’ll excuse me.”

“Me too,” Violet said and the elder Baudelaires went to their rooms to sleep off the events of the day and I protested as Olaf picked me up and carried me to my own room like I was some child. I rolled my eyes, annoyed. 

“Are you going to fight me, my dear? As strong as you are, Katherine, you’ll lose that particular fight.”

“Where did you burn down?” I asked him, knowing that he still took pride in the fires he had set. He smirked.

“Your reasoning skills are impeccable. As you know, there was one mansion in this city still standing. Well, you can guess whose family owned it, can’t you?”

“You didn’t.”

“Oh, I certainly did,” he said as he opened the door to my room and put me in my bed, “Katherine, your revenge will be a sweet one. I just so happened to have… started the fire if you will. Goodnight, Kitty.”


	7. We Don't Start Fires, Do We?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello unfortunate readers,
> 
> I'm sorry to say the chapter you'll be reading today is narrated by the unique seven-year-old Sunny Baudelaire. As always, if you enjoy this dismal read drop by kudos or better yet leave a comment on how you had to look away and not finish this story. More to come!

CHAPTER 7

SUNNY

 

I mean gosh dang it, it seemed like I might never know a quiet life.

I woke next morning and got out of my bed and I went into the kitchen for juice like I did every morning and maybe to make an omelette. My siblings were up in the kitchen having coffee looking at the newspaper. “A fire?” I wondered looking at the page Violet held. 

“You know that other mansion that was in the city?” she asked, “The one by the flea market? It burned down last night late.”

“We didn’t know? We’re Volunteers,” I said as I opened the fridge to get the juice that was always kept in my reach.

“No,” Klaus said, “that fire was good.”

How can a fire be good? I wondered. “Who was that watching Bea yesterday? He knew Kit it looked like.”

“You might not remember, but Kit has a brother called Lemony. I was supposed to be named after him if I was a boy because Mother and Father believed him dead,” Violet told me and I did recall something like that. “He came to watch Bea.”

“Noble?”

“He is noble,” Klaus said, “I think he said he’ll be back today if we have to run on another errand.” I looked and smiled as Kit came in wearing a really pretty black dress that had seemingly flowy long sleeves and she wore cool black boots that covered her tattoo that identified her as V.F.D. She took the third barstool in the kitchen, “I didn’t know you could fight that well,” Violet said to her.

“You met me when I was pregnant, so I couldn’t do a lot of that when I can hardly see my feet to make sure my shoes match,” she laughed, “But thank you.” I remembered first meeting Kit in the back of a taxi bound for the Hotel Denouement and back then she seemed sad. I remembered her washing up on the book ship to the island. I remember after Bea was born Violet had made a sling for her as Olaf had fixed Kit’s legs and some kind of little tear she had when she had Bea.

“Your brother was here,” I said, “I’d like to meet him one day.”

“He’d love to meet you all, he was close to your mother when they were children and training at V.F.D.”

“Oh.”

“Are we going back to Veritable French Diner to look for the pages?” Klaus asked, “Surely that man wouldn’t expect us back so soon.”

“I actually got the call from the owner, a dear friend, that he himself has searched for any pages but none have been found after multiple thorough searches. So we’re going back to torch it.”

We don’t start fires I thought.

“This is an exception, Sun,” Violet said like she read my mind, “If we don’t our enemies can find us. And by the looks of it, they could be lurking anywhere.”

“Got you,” I said as I started pulling out the pots from the cabinet, “I’m making egg sandwiches. Who wants one?” Everyone was a taker of my offer. I put my hair in a ponytail and the eye choker around my neck glinted.

“Monkey,” I didn’t even have to look up from melting the butter to see who was talking to me, “You need to stay here today. I can’t harm a hair on a Baudelaire head anymore as it happens, and your hair is by far the easiest.”

“Just leave a kid in the house alone,” I said under my breath, “Smooth as ever.”

“Sunny, you do have to stay,” Klaus said, “You won’t be alone long. Or we can call Lemony so he can take you to a safe place with Bea for now.”

“Fine, but I may not like it,” I said. I was pretty mature for my age most said, so I was allowed to stay by myself and watch cartoons on the Apple TV. Plus I had all the sharp kitchen knives. “Why don’t you just set the fire from the tower?”

“That’s no fun, orphan,” Olaf said, “There’s no adrenaline in it if you’re not forced to run out of a building as it goes up in flames.”

“My mistake,” I said as I served up Klaus’ egg sandwich to him.


	8. Storms Always Have An Eye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look away! Look away!
> 
> I strongly advise you to definitely not continue on reading this dismal tale as Kit Snicket is about to reconnect with a certain old flame... who we all know. Anyway, if you're enjoying this as much as I am don't be shy to let me know in the form of feedback like kudos or better yet comments!

CHAPTER 8

OLAF

 

The drive to Veritable French Diner was short and Kit parked the car yards away from the place. The others walked behind me and I had the matches I was going to use tucked into my coat. “It closes on Sundays,” Violet said, “So what’s the plan?”

“Pick the lock, torch it, run fast,” I said, an old excitement coursing through me, “Looking at how small the place is, I estimate it being up in flames in about a minute maybe less. So be ready to run when I give the signal word which is ‘loud’. Got it? Good.”

“Let’s go,” Kit said and she took the lead from me, as she often used to and still was known to do. She pulled a hair clip from her hair as we approached the door and she picked the lock with precision and ease. “Honey, it’s about to rain,” she said before walking through the door, “But storms always have an eye. Always.” I walked in behind her with the Baudelaires. 

“Go check to see if anyone is here,” I ordered of the Baudelaires and they went off in opposite directions. I took out a match and struck it, the embers of orange hellfire staring at me. Impending destruction and torment for the one I had trained who had sworn to kill me before he left me.

“I hope you know what you’re doing,” Kit said.

“I always do.”

There was silence in the place until Violet Baudelaire came to report not a soul was here besides us four and I touched my match to one to the pictures on the wall. The picture ignited easily and the cancerous flames metastasized from one picture to the next until whole walls were engulfed. “LOUD!” I shouted and I had to hand it to the Baudelaire orphans, all these years had made them fast runners.

I started running and I grabbed Kit’s hand. “I know how to run without you holding my hand!” she yelled over the magnificent roar. Outside the building I dove onto the sidewalk, rolling to the left of the now completely inflamed structure. Kit’s head tucked into my arm to safeguard her and I saw the elder orphans covering their heads beside me. 

“Get up,” I told them, “Run to the car. Yell ‘fire’ as loud as you can. Scream to death if you must,” They were both fast on their feet but not as fast I was. By the time they had both risen, I was standing and had thrown Kit on my back like a child begging for a piggyback ride. I sprinted with her to the car as Violet and Klaus Baudelaire’s screams of a single word permeated the air:

“FIRE! FIRE!”

Kit held onto my shoulders and she shouted at me, “I can save myself!”

“All due respect Katherine, my dear, but not this time,” I said as I reached the Pathfinder and opened the passenger door and put her in the seat. The orphans scrambled into the back and as I drove I looked at the blaze and the hysterical citizens nearby continuing the shouting chant.

“FIRE! FIRE!”

“Holy shit,” Violet Baudelaire said as the last glimpse of the has-been safe house was visible in the rearview. “It’s not even been ten minutes.”

“Fire is like aggressive cancer,” I explained, “prone to get worse if not treated when it’s first found.” I drove down Dark Avenue for about another two minutes before reaching the apartment complex and parking the car. The orphans got out and I started the car again, “Change of plans: you two stay with your sister. I have an idea.”

Without much more I sped the car towards the house I had once owned in the city, hoping no one had sold it in my absence. I seemed to recall the paper collection in the tower room and I hoped my tirades had not been for naught in this instance. Surely I must have stolen a page of Chapter Thirteen. I wasn’t above such things, even now. As I turned on the street I noticed with some annoyance that Strauss the gullible judge still resided in the house across from me.

I stopped the car and parked it after passing through the gates of my old headquarters. Kit got out of the car and I took the key from my pocket to unlock the door. “Have you ever thought your whole eye theme here was a bit overkill?” she said as I let her in first, “goddam where are the lights here?”

“Look up,” I told her as I shut the door and I followed her eyes to the dimly lit lightbulb rigged up in the foyer. Kit rolled her eyes and pulled out her flashlight.

“Where to?”

“Up the stairs here,” I led her over to the narrower of the two staircases and like I had in Paltryville I walked behind her as we ascended to the tower room. She looked back at me with her ‘I can take care of myself’ look on her face. “These stairs are known for being rickety,” I said.

“If I fall, I trust you to be able to help me,” she said moving two steps ahead, “I mean that V.F.D. paramedic training has got to still be stored in you somewhere or I might not be here. Perhaps you should have made a living of fixing cut perineums of women instead, Olaf.”

“Ah, it’d be a unimportant line of work,” I said, “Besides in my personal view you are the only woman I’ve cared about enough to attempt t fix a perineum. If that had been Esmé Squalor she would have bled out for all I’m concerned.”

“Glad that we can unite in the trauma of that whole thing,” she said.

“It’s just one of the many things.”


	9. Former Havens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers,
> 
> As always thank you for the support despite this dismal tale of the Baudelaires. In this chapter the search for the mysterious 'chapter thirteen' continues to a very familiar location and Klaus, ever so clever, figures there might be something between Kit and Olaf. Please keep up the hits and kudos coming those make me love writing this even more. And if you have anything to suggest/ask don't be shy to comment. I'd love to hear from you.

CHAPTER 9

KLAUS

 

Meanwhile back at the ranch… that means we’re skipping to the story of me and my sisters now.

When we got out of the car and ran up to the penthouse Violet and I were trying to figure out where Kit and Olaf were off to. I took the key to open the penthouse but Sunny got the door for me. “Did you know that cartoons now are so odd?” she was asking, “Just not any good.”

“Sunny, do you want to come with me and Violet to our house to see if a page or two could have survived the fire? It’s unlikely since paper is highly flammable but it’s worth a shot,” I said to her. Sunny got off the couch and turned off the TV.

“Who’s driving?”

“I can,” Violet replied and we headed out the door down to the entrance of the apartment complex where Violet’s violet-colored four seater convertible that she had bought with a bit of her share of the fortune was already out front. I helped Sunny in the back and I got in beside my older sister. “Song requests?” she asked. I shook my head and she just let her songs play.

It was odd to be speeding towards our ashen mansion now since it had been almost six years since the fire and that day at Briny Beach. Even stranger was finally parking the car at the smoldered gate and walking into the rubble that I had once called home. “Wow,” Sunny said, “You really forget what it looks like.”

I helped my sister up the burned steps and Violet turned on her flashlight. “Where should we check first, Klaus? Any ideas?”

“Father’s desk,” I said, “Maybe he hid it in a book that could have partially survived. I’m going to see if any library books are still not damaged enough to hold a page.” Violet nodded and she and Sunny split up from me as I walked through my former haven. It could still look like a library if most of the books weren’t piles of dust and the remaining shelves weren’t beginning to collapse and decay. I noticed the rubber of one of my favorite chairs was still heaped on the floor.

As I looked for anything intact in the room a thought struck me. Had Mother and Father had a fire safe? Those could withstand around 1700 degrees I remembered reading in some book on fire safety. “Fire safe,” I called to my sisters, “Do we have one? Check there.”

“Klaus come here!”

I raced to Sunny’s voice and sure enough there was a fire safe hidden way under my father’s desk. I lifted the safe, which wasn’t much weight so there must be not a lot in it. I dialed the combination V,K,S as a guess and the safe swung open and there was a stack of papers and in the corner I read two words:

Chapter 13.

I took the two pages I saw with those words and stuffed them in my satchel. “Let’s get out of here,” I said to my sisters and they nodded and after walking through the rubble to the city beyond and one last glance at the place of our childhood I still had no idea I would never return to that house again.

“It’s lunchtime,” Sunny said, “Let’s go eat at that little cafe close by. I hear they have some great salmon.” Violet helped Sunny in and she hopped in the driver’s seat as I took shotgun.

“Kit and Olaf?” I wondered.

“If any two people are strangely capable, it’s Kit and Olaf,” Violet said, “We can go on.” I nodded but I couldn’t help text Kit the sentence; We found two pages. Take your time, we’ll reconvene at the penthouse.

Violet began to drive and the city seemed to wake up and people hustled and bustled about. As we drove I got a reply from Kit: Where?

Baudelaire mansion ruins I typed back. Where are you?

We’re good here, will see you back at the penthouse soon she typed back and I realized that was all I was going to get. “Violet?”

“Yes?”

“Do you think Olaf has feelings for Kit still? Remember on the island when Kit washed up on the books he kissed her and it’s seemed to me the past four years that he does. Does it seem that way to you?” I asked her, “Or is this just gibberish.”

“I’ve had that suspicion myself,” Violet said, “I didn’t realize he was capable of feeling something as intense as love for anyone who wasn’t himself. He saved her life on the island when he could have let her die because of the fungus. But who shoved that apple down her throat?”

“I did,” I confirmed.

“Under whose orders?”

“Olaf’s.”

“Exactly. I don’t think there can be any more proof that Olaf cares for her still and honestly I kind of think she cares for him despite all he’s done.”

“He murdered her brother, though.”

“But yet,” Violet said, ‘haven’t you heard the phrase ‘we don’t choose who we love’?”


	10. Resurrected Feelings and Very Much Alive Siblings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers,
> 
> In this chapter keep in mind that nothing is as it seems. I'm amazed by the continuing support for this dismaying tale and I must implore you to keep it up and if you have any questions/suggestions please drop by a comment.

CHAPTER 10

KIT SNICKET

 

I was sitting in one of the chairs of the dimly lit kitchen after we had unsuccessfully searched the tower room and now Olaf had gotten me some tea and he stood behind me his hands digging into my shoulder blades and it felt like my small shoulders might be like some breakable vase. “It’s been awhile since I’ve rubbed your delicate shoulders, Katherine,” he said, “I can bet Denouement couldn’t do this. Goddammit, I feel like your shoulders will break under my hands.” Sure, he was fifty-three himself but he was right, his firm hands could crush my shoulders if they wanted but yet all I felt was gentle pressure.

“He certainly couldn’t,” I admitted, “but you still killed Jacques.”

“Katherine,” he said and I knew he was about to tell me something important if he used this tone, “The man that died in the Village of Fowl Devotees was not Jacques Snicket. I thought it was until last year when I went searching for the death certificate out of curiosity. Jacques’ blood type is A- as is yours. That said, I did not see until looking at the certificate that the man who died that day was A+ blood type.”

“Where is Jacques if he’s alive?’

“I don’t know, my dear,” he said and I realized that this might be the only time in his life he seemed glad a plot had failed. It meant another, albeit with good intentions, might rise. Just as I was about to speak my phone vibrated with a text from Klaus but what interested me most was the first line: 

We found two pages.

“The Baudelaires found some of Chapter Thirteen,”I informed him, “Where could they have found them?” I asked the question as I typed back to Klaus: Where?

“I’ll never admit it to those orphans but they can sometimes be clever,” he said, “Has he responded?” My smartphone lit up at that moment with the response: Baudelaire mansion ruins. Wait seriously? I showed Olaf the text, holding the phone up to him. “Damn it,” he said, “I can’t believe why I didn’t think of it myself. Look down, my dear.’

I did as he said as I typed back to Klaus all was well with us and that we’d all meet back at the penthouse and discuss the findings of the day. My mind kept racing about Jacques and where my dear brother could be now and if Lemony knew any of this. I pulled up the text thread I had with my little brother and I typed to him: J is alive. I don’t know how or where he is. I sipped at my peachy tea and I waited for my bother’s reply.

Strangely the warmth of the tea sent a shiver to me or perhaps that was the cold of the room we were in but Olaf’s hands never wavered. “I have to find Jacques,” I said as I put down my tea and attempted to rise but Olaf’s grasp kept me down. 

“No, my dear, not now. We have more pressing matters to attend to now but once we have all of Chapter Thirteen if you wish I will spend the rest of my life looking for your brother for you. Right now that would be a Very Foolish Decision.” A final squeeze of my shoulders before he said, “Come. We must get lunch and return to the penthouse.” I nodded and got up holding my cup and he walked beside me with his arm on my back to lead me out.

Did I just hear what I thought he said?

Despite that my mind still raced and I went down to my knees in the shock of the revelation that my brother was indeed alive and who knows where he was now. After all these years it still astonished me that Olaf was fast like he had trained me to be but somehow he was always faster to respond to things than even I was. I didn’t even hit the ground.

“Up we go,” again there was no nonsense about gathering me up and walking to the car, “Even the great Katherine Snicket can be taken by surprise. Strange. Come, we’ll go to the closest cafe and eat unless you feel like vomiting from happiness.”

“That has been known to be a thing,” I said, “although I personally never have, don’t rule it out.”

“Well, they always said that I was one of the best of the emergency medical technicians in my training year,” he said.

“They told my year that you were the best the organization has ever seen.”

“Did they now? Did they neglect to mention my reputation as a brilliant thespian along with my particular insight for pyrotechnical matters and emergency medicine?”

“Don’t push your luck, Olaf.”

“Denouement didn’t deserve you, Katherine, and I personally am enraged that he believed himself worthy of a woman of your caliber.”

“And you find yourself more worthy? I suppose that isn’t surprising.”

“Do you really think that little of me? I know how unworthy I am, Katherine, and I’ll admit it.”


	11. It's Worse Than We Feared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers,
> 
> In this chapter we are introduced to Jacques Snicket fully and we figure out what he has been doing since his escape from the Village of Fowl Devotees. I hope you are still enjoying this story even though you should look away and don't be afraid to drop by a kudo or get in touch with me via comment!

CHAPTER 11

JACQUES SNICKET

 

“It’s worse than we feared, Brother,” Lemony said to me as we met underneath 667 Dark Avenue. “Both sides are still after Chapter Thirteen and now the fire-starters have appeared to have reorganized.” He switched the side of my niece Bea was hanging onto. “Kit knows you survived.”

“She should. I know what I did wrecked her and then to lose Dewey…”

“You did what you had to,” my brother assured me and he handed me my sister’s little girl, “Beatrice, this is Jacques. He’s your uncle too.” The little girl smiled. “She is named for the Baudelaire orphans’ mother.” The little girl waved at me.

“I see that.”

"How do you?" the child asked me. I smiled at her.

"Very good, thank you little Beatrice. How do you do?" She smiled at me again.

"Good!"

“So what’s our next move?” Lemony asked, “V.F.D. is in shambles, we don’t have clear sides anymore, dear Brother. We can’t trust anyone.”

“As I feared,” I said sadly, “Every generation the schism’s damage only gets worse.”

“I need to speak to the Baudelaire siblings. Bertrand and Beatrice were the best agents in my year so maybe their children can restore the structure of the organization. Plus with the money they have now there’s no reason to go after them anymore by any villain. Violet Baudelaire is twenty years old now so she has the money.”

“You’re right, Brother. Where is Kit? Surely I’m assuming that given her daughter is here that she lived. Kit wouldn’t dream of dying in childbirth.”

“Kit is alive and in the city. I saw her yesterday to take the child to safety. She’s tied up in some business of the organization it seems she said.”

“She really was the best in her year,” I mused, “She definitely received training from one of the best V.F.D. had ever seen. I’m hoping when we restore it she can pass on her knowledge.”

“God knows we need it.”

“Are we the remaining volunteers, speaking of? Besides the Baudelaire siblings of course,” I could list my fallen comrades and as much as it pained me I had come to assume this was the case and we had to make do with it.

“It’s complex, Brother. Fernald and Fiona defected back to us and if the Quagmires are alive they are with us too.”

“I beg your pardon? We don’t know if the triplets are alive?”

“The hint I’m going to give you begins with ‘Great’ and ends with ‘Unknown.”

“Fucking furnaces of hell,” I sighed, “and no one since the schism has seen all of Chapter Thirteen.” Lemony was right, this was worse than I knew.

“So what do you suggest?’

“We have to get to the Baudelaires. And also,” I pulled out the mobile phone I had acquired through a contact called Handler that I had plugged numbers into. For kicks and giggles I dialed Kit’s number to see if she would answer. But she didn’t, someone else did.

“Jacques Snicket, may death find you very much alive,” the voice on the other line said.

“What have you done to my sister, Olaf?” I demanded wondering how exactly the villain had gotten to my sister and where he had taken her.

“I’m surprised you don’t recall the history I have with your sister, Snicket.”

“Where is Kit, Olaf?”

“She’s with me,” he said and my heart sank, “Snicket, have you figured out my secret yet? You always were a bit slow for my tastes.”

“What the hell are you up to Olaf?” I wasn’t in the mood for games.

“Snicket, I defected you swine. That means I’m on your side in case that one missed you,” he said and I felt like I needed to sit down. There was no way that was true. I was going to ask my follow up question but the line went dead before I could.

Olaf had loved my sister back during our training at V.F.D. anyone in or year could tell you that. But the thing that proved more interesting was the single burning question I had at the front of my mind:

Did he still?


	12. I Love You, You Defected Villain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers,
> 
> I'm sorry to say this miserable chapter was one of my absolute favorites to write and is a big one for the Kit/Olaf ship. I hope when you're not looking away you're finding this story just as enjoyable to read as I do to write so please keep up the hits and kudos. Also I'd love tp hear from you so drop by feedback if you'd be so kind.

CHAPTER 12

OLAF

 

Later that day as the evening was setting in upon the busy city Kit and I returned to the penthouse to the small of some capers and olives. “Ah, pasta in the style of a whore,” I said as I shut the door, “Certainly you orphans knew that was what puttanesca translates to.” The little Baudelaire smiled as if she knew what that meant.

“We’re eating now,” she said, “Everybody get a plate.” Kit smiled as she cut me in the line for food knowing full well I’d allow her since basically today I had all but verbally declared that the rest of my days would be devoted to her. “Music?” 

“I’ll turn on the satellite radio,” Violet said and she got her plate to the table and then went to the stereo. Kit got out a bottle of wine and set it on the table with four glasses before getting her own plate and putting it at the head of the table.

“You think you’re so clever, thinking you can take the head seat,” I said to her.

“You forget you’re basically my servant for the rest of your life or did I hear that wrong earlier?” her snark was on perfect par with mine and I saw the elder orphans exchange a glance as if they didn’t buy the fact I cared for another person as deeply as I cared for Katherine Snicket and honestly I couldn’t blame them.

Kit smirked as she took her seat and before sitting at her right I let my hand brush her cheek and my fingers trail to her throat. She stayed still, challenging me but her pulse betrayed her and I smirked. “I can’t believe it,” the bookworm said to me, “You do care for someone after all.”

“Yes, orphan, but it sure as hell isn’t you, but Kit likes you and your sisters so I must be compliant at least to some extent.”

“I expected no less.”

I laughed as I poured Kit some red wine and then myself some as well, leaving the orphans to get their own. “Here’s another thing for you to chew on bookworm: I was one of the best volunteers V.F.D. had ever seen in my day.”

That got a “What?” from all three orphans, that piece of information blowing them out of the water.

“It’s no coincidence I didn’t die on that island despite lack of medical supplies,” Kit said, “For once the haughty son-of-a-bitch has a right to be. I learned everything I know from him, it’s true.”

“This has got to be some mean joke like on television,” the bookworm sighed, “Where are the camera crews?”

I just smirked in Klaus Baudelaire’s ignorance.

After dinner I stood by the fire with Kit, the Baudelaires having gone to their rooms tired from a long day which I had to agree with. Kit stood in front of me with her back to my torso and my fingers casually running through the short blonde locks that stopped at her shoulders. “The thought,” I began, “Of Denouement touching you sickens me.” I slid my hands to her collarbone gently.

“I never loved Dewey like that,” she said, her eyes staring straight forward, “He was a dear friend and Bea’s father but I never felt like that for him. When he proposed, I refused much like Beatrice Baudelaire did to my brother. I could have been content with Dewey but I would never have been happy,” she turned and faced me now as my hand cupped her chin. “Do you know why Bea’s birth was so traumatic for me emotionally? Because the while of you delivering her I spent thinking about how much I loved you.”

“You use the past tense.”

“And I realize I shouldn’t because technically I never stopped. I almost did defect for you, I never told you, but I realized defecting would destroy my brothers.”

“But yet.”

“But yet here I am. I love you, Olaf. I always have.”

In that moment I knew I was still capable of backstabbing the Baudelaire siblings but if anything so much as harmed Katherine Snicket it would unleash hell from me. I still held her face in my hands, she having to stand on her tiptoes to stare me in the eye. The fire cackled which I suppose was appropriate for a defected villain as I kissed Kit.

Time seemed to have stood still since the last kiss we had shared before the island, the last before I had thought I had lost her before I had lost my sole motive to be somewhat noble. I lifted the tiny Katherine Snicket into my arms as I remembered the warmth of her in my arms and her lips meeting mine. “This has sealed your fate, my dear,” I said as I returned her lips to her.

“It should have been settled all those years ago,” she said.

“You’re very right. Come, the night is late and the world grows quiet,” I carried her away from the fire, her arms around my neck and her head rested upon my shoulder. Her knee brushed the cased V.F.D. knife I kept on my belt. I took Kit to her room and I closed the door behind us and I set her on her feet. She took off her shoes and coat and she went to the attached bathroom.

“I’m going to shower but you can wait there if you want,” she said.

“Please, Katherine,” I said with mock irritation, “I fixed your cut perineum and I don’t believe it gets much more weirdly intimate than that.”


	13. Figurative Belt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers,
> 
> This dreadful chapter delves deeper into the relationship between Kit and Olaf as well as some V.F.D. history. Thank you for the continued support even though this story is about the miserable Baudelaires. Keep up the hits, kudos, and don't forget you can drop by a comment to tell me what you think!

CHAPTER 13

KIT SNICKET

 

So here I was. Fucking standing in front of Olaf like the bath I was taking was symbolic in some way, but he was right. This was small potatoes for him and with the medical response training under his figurative belt it wasn’t like he hadn’t seen any of this and the shine in his eyes confirmed my thoughts. “My dear, your shame is wasted,” he rose in front of me and even in the bath I was still not even close to his eye level. “Katherine, in the theater we are taught to not shy away from natural beauty. Maybe you could learn that.”

The breath I had caught in my throat but I let it out before I could choke on it. But that only lasted seconds until I just decided fuck it and I kissed him softly, my hands at my sides as if not to get him wet. He laughed lightly. “Dammit, I’m sorry that was brash,” I said bending to pick up the washcloth but he got to it before I did. 

“You’ve missed the feeling, and even you admit it Kitty,” the cloth ran over my shoulder and arms and I just let go deciding to trust him. “Do you really believe I’m going to pull my knife and slit your throat open, Katherine?” The playful tone had ceased, “I will swear upon the lives of all the Baudelaire children and their descendants that your trust in me will not be a questioned one.”

I laughed, this particular swear a step below the one on his own life earlier, if there was one thing Olaf loved it was putting those he considered henchen’s death before his own. The cloth came to my abdomen now but I didn’t move, deciding I didn’t not trust Olaf. He was manipulative, no one could deny it, but he had never physically hurt me. It was like that had always been the one thing off limits to him.

The dark sky outside of 667 Dark Avenue seemed to glimmer off the bright lights of the bathroom at this hour. “You’re right,” I said, “I did miss it. I missed you all these years.”

“I know.”

“Smug much?” I laughed at the smile that had crossed his features grew wider as I couldn’t resist injecting some sass into what otherwise might be called a cliche moment as two former lovers reunited after all those years and a schism tore them apart. The cloth descended.

“Oh no, I’m very sincere, my dear,” he said, placing his lips on one of my shoulders and I closed my eyes, all the years seeming to vanish before my eyes. I felt a warm towel around me and that made me open my eyes. My legs met the belt he wore and my left leg rested against the knife case. “You’re as light as I recall,” he said.

I laughed, “I had forgotten what this felt like after all these years.”

“Denouement couldn’t lift you,” he said as if he had just come to figure it out, “I doubt a sub-sub librarian could do it.” It kind of felt like I was an ultimate prize for him, a trophy made of the most precious metal that he was unwilling to drop. “How long has it been since you were lifted off your feet?”

“A very long time,” I admitted as I was put to bed like I had been as a young girl, the towel still very secure around me and the duvet coming up to my shoulders. Olaf brought my shoulders against him, his fingers going through my hair and that was strangely enough to put me to sleep soundly and I realized this was how it was supposed to be.

The morning came and I awoke alone and in a soft deep blue nightdress. I threw my hair up in a bun before heading to the kitchen to see about coffee. Violet and Klaus were at the bar with the paper and Sunny was over watching some cooking show. “Morning,” I said to the Baudelaires.

“Hi, Kit. Did you see the Daily Punctilio today?” Klaus handed me the paper and all I could think was oh god what have they reported now? Before looking at the headline, the author’s name caught my attention: Eleanora Poe. Holy shit, I hadn’t heard that name in years. “Eleanora Poe is still working for this trash? I’d expect she would have quit by now, no longer needing to maintain her cover.”

“Mr. Poe’s sister?” Violet wondered, “She was a Volunteer?”

“Key word here: was,” I said, “Eleanora was in my year at the training academy and a year above your parents and Lemony but she left at some point and never returned, got her tattoo removed and turned in her spyglass. You see, the Poe family is actually rather wealthy themselves they just don’t outwardly advertise it. Poe’s parents were members who died in a fire and also left their children a fortune but for some reason only Eleanora joined.”

“That’s because Arthur Poe was a brainless twerp,” I didn’t see Olaf come in but his hand rested on my shoulder, “And his sister wasn’t the brightest either, as I recall. Bertrand and Beatrice, may their souls rest in ashes, were much cleverer than any Poe I’ll tell you. No one at the academy in the years I trained recruits was really impressive except for one particular woman who was the only reason I stayed as long as I did.”

“You trained Volunteers?” Klaus asked, “You?”

“I admit it, orphan. It was years before I myself left for many reasons that you don’t understand yet and probably never will. I taught your parents all they knew, I taught Montgomery Montgomery, Josephine Anwhistle, and the Snicket siblings although only one of those three was ever worthy.”

“You love Kit, we can see it,” Sunny said staring at Olaf from across the room.

“Excellent conclusion, Monkey,” Olaf applauded sarcastically, “but like I just said, there’s much more to that story than you think.”


	14. Catacombs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear readers,
> 
> Again thank you for the support in the form of kudos and the first comment despite this story's dismaying nature. I advise you to look away but if you must read keep up the kudos and comments too to let me know that for some reason you're enjoying!

CHAPTER 14

LEMONY SNICKET

 

I held onto my sister’s daughter as I followed my elder brother through the catacombs of the city. Catacombs is a word which here means “human made passages often constructed for religious practice”. Although I doubted any religious practice was going on beneath the dirty and busy city I knew the catacombs had their own secrets. “Veritable French Diner was burned down,” I said to my brother, “Early yesterday.”

“Hellfire,” Jacques swore as he reached for little Beatrice to give my arms a rest, “Did the official fire department investigate? Was anyone inside when it burned?”

“They were too late to stop it and I don’t think any of us had been there because if we had it would have not happened. The report said it was likely a stove left on that set it off.”

“Those buffoons at the official department,” he said, “they’d fall for that hook line and sinker.”

“I personally think it was an arson attack. There’s no way anyone there would accidentally leave a stove on. It’s too well planned to look like that. Our enemies must have gotten to it in the early hours.”

“Olaf,” my brother said, “he’s hated us for years.”

“But not Kit. He loves her, it’s his hidden weakness. It always has been,” I pointed out, “He only swore to hunt you and I down.”

“Was it true, he said he defected again?”

“I wouldn’t trust the man,” I warned, “He may care about Kit but still trusting him could be a great mistake for us and the Baudelaires. Recall that we killed Olaf’s parents, us and the Baudelaires that night at the opera.”

“Poison darts.”

“But Kit refused to take part because then she and Olaf were still involved. You may have forgotten brother, but Kit was to become a Countess.”

“Ah, I do recall.”

I saw my brother take out his phone like he had done the previous day and I assumed he was calling our sister as he made funny faces at our niece. I didn’t know exactly what to expect and I waited with trepidation (a word which here means “a feeling of fear about something that may happen”) as Jacques put the phone on speaker but my anticipation eased when I heard a familiar “Hello?”

“Kit,” Jacques said, “It’s good to hear your voice again.”

“Holy shit Jacques I thought that you…”

“I faked it, Sister. But that’s not important now, I need to find the Baudelaires. Are you with them? It seems our enemies have surfaced.”

“I know,” she said, “There was a skirmish two days ago at Veritable French Diner. Someone attempted to kill my whole party as we ate there.”

“Do you think it was the same attacker who burned it yesterday?”

“It’s more complicated than that, I’m afraid, Jacques. Where are you? All the safe houses nearby are destroyed except the old headquarters in Paltryville.”

“I’d rather slit my throat then return to that godforsaken place,” he said, “I think it best you just know I’m nearby and Lemony is with me with little Beatrice.”

“I understand.”

“And you? Are you somewhere safe?”

“Yes. Nearby,” she laughed as she threw his own words back at him.

“Where are the Baudelaire siblings?” I heard him ask.

“With me.”

“Good, they should be safe with you as Beatrice is safe with us,” he told her, “Now I must go because you never know who might be listening in on us. I’ll speak to you soon, dear sister.”

I saw him hang up the phone and turn to me, “What all has happened to the Baudelaires since I saw them last in the Village of Fowl Devotees?”

“I assume you have heaps of time?”

“Clearly.”


	15. Can We Trust Him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear readers,
> 
> I now present the next dreadful chapter in this volume and in it the Baudelaires grapple with the true question of this entire work: is Olaf to be trusted? As always please keep up the hits and kudos, they mean quite a lot. Also, if you have any questions/suggestions/thoughts drop them by!

CHAPTER 15

OLAF

 

I took the phone from Katherine and set it aside before turning her to face me, my hands holding her tightly to cease the shudders that consumed her. “Jacques Snicket? Isn’t he dead?” Klaus Baudelaire asked, “We were framed for his murder!”

“Quiet, orphan,” I snapped, “No, Jacques isn’t dead due to a stroke of luck." 

"You hate the Snickets.” I rolled my eyes at the astounding ignorance of the boy.

“No, I hate the Snicket brothers, for reasons you won’t likely understand and that’s part of the reason I left. Their sister, Katherine, on the other hand was supposed to be my Countess.” Katherine’s trembling finally subsided and her hand reached for mine as if an old reflex had been ignited. Violet Baudelaire looked as if she couldn’t believe someone would willingly marry me.

“Ew,” the small Baudelaire said.

“He’s right,” Kit blinked, returning to reality from her shock and I helped her sit on my lap on a chair facing the siblings. “Jacques, Lemony, and your parents were involved in something Baudelaires, but it’s not my story to tell but I can tell you I refused to be.” She sat on my lap like it was the throne a countess was fit to sit upon. 

“This has got to be an insane trip on something,” Klaus muttered.

“Yes, Katherine Snicket was to be my bride years ago,” I said to the bookworm, “But after I defected that sub-sub librarian thought himself worthy of her love.”

“And you think you’re above Dewey? He was noble,” Violet protested, “We don’t even know if we can trust you.”

“Well I certainly admire your correct skepticism,” I said, “the difference between Denouement and me is I know I am unworthy of Katherine so I appreciate the fact she thinks I am. Honestly, you ought to thank her because if it wasn’t for her I could spill every drop of Baudelaire blood.” I tucked a strand of Kit’s hair loose from the bun behind her ear and I smirked, my touch still sending that shiver of pleasure in her as it used to.

“Thank you,” all three orphans said to Kit as she sat with me, straight backed but then she rose and we all looked at her.

“I’m going to go get dressed,” she said and left without another word. I decided to let her be, seeing it as my best option to let her process she had indeed just spoken to her dead-but-alive brother. The small Baudelaire turned away from some cooking show and looked at me.

“What did Kit mean that story wasn’t hers to tell? What story?”

“For children who read an awful lot I say just read it,”I said, “You’d probably enjoy it more that way.” Now I stood up and left them. I walked to Kit’s room and she came out of the bathroom in an orange dress and black boots and her hair falling to her side. I smiled and lifted her up just to upstage the dead Denouement from his grave at the bottom of that pond. “Oh my dear Katherine.”

“I love you,” she said as her arms came around my neck and as I supported her back she shuddered in my hands. Many others had trembled under my hands over the years: Montgomery Montgomery had the night my knife had slain him, Josephine Anwhistle had as I was the only thing that stood between her and falling into Lake Lachrymose to the leeches among many others. But Katherine’s tremble was a wave of forbidden pleasure that she hadn’t felt since shortly after the night she had left me and I had left the Volunteers.

I can recall the voltages of pleasure that surged through her were at their peak whenever we used to be intimate. Often I would have to cease my actions if for a moment to let her body stabilize. And I knew now was certainly not the time for that but I knew it was surely upon us and I knew she sensed it too. I personally couldn’t wait to remind her of how it felt to physically love someone who wasn’t a stick like Denouement. 

“Oh Katherine you are my reason for living,” I said into the scent of flowers that radiated from her skin. I could feel the breaths that were slightly quickened. 

“I never imagined this would happen,” she said, “since the day you left I wanted to bring you back but I knew your hatred for my brothers and the Baudelaire family was too strong so you wouldn’t hear me. And then I met Dewey and he reminded me of a fraction of what I’d lost.”

“God every time I think about Denouement touching you, this haughty sub-sub librarian who feels so righteous because few know he actually exists masking under a guise of nobility, it sickens me my Countess.” I kissed her hair.

“I need to lie down,” she said, “After the shock of talking to my brother I need to be still a moment,” I put her under the covers after taking her shoes. I covered her and sat at her feet, my hand resting on her ankle.

“Take all the time you need, my Countess,” She laughed.

“I suppose Countess Katherine has a ring to it in a way,” she mused as she shut her eyes and I let her drift off in peace, not moving myself. I smiled to myself, agreeing with her.


	16. The Defensive Dame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers,
> 
> Sorry for the delay in this update but I've been busy with university things. Anyway, I think I'll give you two chapters of this disal volume to be nice so look away but if you dare read on there will be

CHAPTER 16

SUNNY 

 

I turned off the cooking show with a whole new recipe so that was a success for me. “Sunny, Klaus and I are going to see something,” Violet said to me and I got up and followed her, not caring that she probably would ixnay me coming if this was a dangerous thing but I’m sorry who dangled from a tower as an infant again?

“Let’s go,” I said and led my older siblings out the door, “Where are we going?” I assumed we were going to the car to go see something in the city and as we descended the steps and got into the convertible I wondered what we were going to look at. 

“Klaus do you know where the headquarters of the Daily Punctilio are? Maybe Mr. Poe’s sister could tell us about the story of our parents and the Snickets Olaf won’t.”

“Sure,” my brother said and we pulled away from the apartment complex and sped to the proper city. I noticed on the way where a diner had once stood was now roped off in yellow tape. “Do you think Olaf will kill us? He said our parents did something to him, so maybe that’s why he hates us.”

“I don’t know,” Violet said as she drove, “and don’t wish to think about it. As long as Kit is with us we should be fine. I didn’t realize Olaf could care about another human being.”

“Me either,” I said.

“So how about the Poe’s being involved too? Is Mrs. Poe dead too like Mr. Poe? Maybe Edgar and Albert were inducted.”

“I’ll be surprised if they can spell V.F.D.,” Klaus said savagely.

“Point taken.”

We stopped on a street in front of a building with a huge newspaper billboard in front of it announcing it was in fact the Daily Punctilio. “Let’s go,” Klaus helped me out of the car and we walked up the steps. I’d never seen the inner-workings of a newspaper before so I was struck by the hustle of it all especially for a bad newspaper. Violet and Klaus led me to an office on the ground floor with the name Eleanora Poe - Editor on it. Violet knocked.

The rumors are terrible and cruel, but honey most of them are true.

“Come in,” a voice said and I followed my siblings inside the bland office with silver walls. I took a seat in one of the chairs.

“Mrs. Poe, we’re the Baudelaire siblings. I’m Violet, this is my brother Klaus, and my sister Sunny. We’re here to ask about the Poe Fire years ago and if you still talk about V.F.D.”

“Never speak those letters in front of me in that order,” she became defensive quickly.

“So you were involved. Did your brother know about it too?”

“Arthur wouldn’t have made it,” she said reluctantly, “he’s not that clever as maybe you lot know. On the night of the fire they only took me and sent me to the academy. I knew your parents too, Baudelaire siblings, and the Snickets and Quagmires.”

“Who taught you specifically?”

“O. He was the best agent we had ever seen, everyone knew it, but he hated me and seemed to only really like one girl in my year and I think when I left she was to be his bride. Anyway, I eventually left after I realized I was not as good as others in my year and I haven’t spoken about it. Arthur had no idea.”

“You said there was a fire at your house?” I prompted her.

“That was before O. That was another, older, generation of villains,” she said, ‘Arthur was sent to live with a distant cousin while it seemed like I had run away. And now with the Hotel Denouement ashes my brother is dead and I don’t know about his wife or sons.”

“Do you think we could recruit Edgar and Albert?” Violet asked.

“They’re not that intelligent, dearie. I’m no shining beacon of smarts myself but I do know that Arthur’s sons would be of no use to you.”

“Thank you for your time, Mrs. Poe,” I said taking the cue it was time to go, “Come on guys,” my siblings followed me out of the office after saying a quick goodbye. Once we were outside Violet got her phone out and dialed Kit but apparently there was no answer. “What now?” I asked.

“I think we should go see if Justice Strauss is still living in her house. Maybe her library has the book,” Klaus said, “I know she joined at the Hotel Denouement.”

“Good thinking,” Violet agreed as we piled into the car and drove to the opposite side of the city towards the well kept house that had been our very first safe haven since our home had been destroyed.


	17. After So Many Years...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here is the second part of the update. Keep up the kudos, hits, and support. I love seeing that people like my work. As always if you need/want to get in contact with me drop by a comment to let me hear your thoughts!

CHAPTER 17

KIT SNICKET

 

It had been years since I had felt like this. I remembered the voltages of electricity that figuratively went through me especially in situations like this as my arms rested around his neck and his lips met my own neck. “Ah yes, the infamous tremors,” he laughed against my neck. “Tell me, my Countess, did Denouement ever make you feel like this and tremble?” I couldn’t help but laugh and be thrown into the past as my body ceased to shudder for a moment and I relaxed.

“Never.”

“I thought not,” he smirked.

Olaf took out the knife from his belt but I felt no fear as it gently grazed my shoulder for a split second. I watched him set it on the nightstand, carrying me with him as he moved and making sure to set the blade away from me. I felt another shake of electricity run through me as his lips met mine and his hands gently laid me back beneath him and as they did they also gently traced over my frame but I found even my shudders quiet.

“The Baudelaires…” I was not in the mood to be walked in on especially by the Baudelaire siblings that I sometimes still pictured as the children they had been when I had first met them.

“Don’t worry about the orphans,” he said as he gently helped me out of the flame colored dress so I now sat before him on his lap completely exposed to him but unafraid. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen any of this before. “You are extraordinary Katherine,” he said, his hand coming to cup my chin, “do you trust me, my Countess?”

“Always, Olaf.” And it was true, I had always trusted him and always loved him deeply even if in the years of his treachery I didn’t want to admit it but he of all people knew I liked to live my life on a bit of an edge.

He brought my head up for a kiss that made the tremors return but once again his touch sent them silent. My hands reached for him and I suppose I could say I was a little surprised at how firm he still was, strong and defined as I remembered. And I knew I had missed it; Dewey, may he rest in peace the poor man, had never compared to the tension Olaf and I had always had even before we were involved and he had just started training me in the skills of a Volunteer. “Goddammit Katherine Snicket, this used to be so easy for me with Esmé Squalor; mindless and so easy. She’d let me do as I wished with her be as rough as I liked. But you, you’re completely different. I never cared for Squalor, but you Katherine I couldn’t live with myself if I caused you distress in any way.”

And he was not lying. All the times he had made me his were always with the utmost care, no matter if he was in a mood as he sometimes used to be because of the students at the academy that didn’t learn to his standards. “I know,” I said reaching to touch him, “I always believed I was the one thing off limits for your destructive powers.”

“And you’d be right,” he said, his fingers now tracing my legs and I watched him with curiosity and wanting (as insulting as that was to Dewey’s memory), desperately wishing he’d resolve all the absent years now. A smile actually broke out onto his face rather than his preferred smirk; a smile only I had seen and made his eyes shinier. 

I reached for his hands as I felt where his lips went, liking to have extra support in case I was overwhelmed. It sweet was just like I had remembered it. “Oh god,” I breathed,

“Unravel, Katherine,” he said gently, “it’s alright. I’m just reminding you of what this is like and washing the scars of Denouement from your system.” He made it sound like he was doing this symbolic action to protect my honor or what have you but Olaf had always had the gift of turning a phrase.

“Olaf.”

“Let go, Katherine. I have you,” he ordered softly and oddly my body obeyed him. I could imagine Dewey wouldn’t have been able to pull that off. My hands gripped his shoulders like a life raft and my eyes closed. “The night has a thousand eyes / And the day but one,” he recited as I gripped his hand with everything I had as he made me belong to him.

"The mind has a thousand eyes / And the heart but one / Yet the whole light of a whole life dies / When love is done," I replied.

I started to tremble with pleasure yet again but Olaf steadied me whilst simultaneously reminding me what I had been yearning for all these years. Again, I hated to admit it to myself because Dewey was a good man and dear friend but this was living to me: passion, adventure, and just a pinch of danger. I didn’t realize until that moment that my in my thirty-six years of living that this was how I felt most alive.

I lay on my side for a moment after to catch my breath, relieved that this tension between us had resolved yet again after being left at a precipice for so long. “Come see me,” Olaf said and rolled me towards him. “Why, my dear, didn’t you inform me of the extent of Denuoement’s defiling? If I had known that I would have had you sooner.”

“Your attempt at nobility is admirable,” I teased.

“Oh this isn’t me being noble for humanity,” he laughed, “It needed to be done for you and you alone. As for the rest of humanity, they can shipwreck on an island and die of starvation as far as I’m concerned,” that was the Olaf I knew and I smirked as he drew the covers around my shoulders.

“Ah,” I said, “my mistake, Count.”

He laughed, “You still like to ridicule me, I see. Some things might never change.”

“It seems that way.”


	18. Justice Strauss' Help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers!
> 
> So after some cuteness in the last chapter we unfortunately must return to the story of the Baudelaire siblings who go out seeking an old friend who is luckily still alive. Keep up reading and thank you for the comments they are the best! In particular, Bwaarf's comment made me smile so thank you!

CHAPTER 18

KLAUS

 

Justice Strauss’ house hadn’t changed. As we pulled up it still looked well kept with flowers growing in the garden, the white fence polished, and the bricks reflecting the sun’s light. Violet parked right in front of the gate and we got out and walked up the steps, each of us refusing to look across the street at the house that had been our worst prison. I knocked.

The door opened and there stood the judge I remembered in her black courtly robe and powdered white wig. “How do you do, Justice Strauss?” I asked.

“Klaus Baudelaire?” it took her a second to recognize me, “Violet? Sunny, you’re all grown,” she smiled, “You all are so grown. Come in, I insist.”

We smiled and followed her into the warm house to a bright living room. “Thank you,” Violet said, “We’re so glad you got out of the hotel.” Justice Strauss smiled and motioned for us to sit down on the couch in the living room and the judge went to go make us tea.

“I’m glad to see you three,” she told us, “Would you care for some lemon-icing cake? I just made it. Perhaps a carrot and ranch dip for you, Sunny?”

“Cake sounds lovely actually,” my little sister said, “although I am still partial to hard foods now mostly. Might I have the recipe you used? I’m fond of cooking.”

“How wonderful, and of course,” she cut the cake and handed us the slices, “Now, what can I do for you children? Is this a time for research?”

I took the slice of cake she offered me and set it on the coffee table for a moment, “Sort of. Justice Strauss,” I explained, “Do you see the eyes around my sisters’ necks? Are you aware of the significance?”

“The world is quiet here, Baudelaires. Since my time at the Hotel Denouement I’ve known of the organization your parents had been involved in and their noble cause. You see while I was staying at the Hotel Denouement I came across many of the other volunteers as well as a rather secretive person who said he partially owned the hotel. Also, I believe my taxi driver who drove me to the hotel knew about it.”

“Was she kind of short with blonde hair?” I wondered, thinking maybe it was Kit who had brought Justice Strauss, “Was she pregnant, do you remember?”

“That sounds right,” the judge said as the kettle hissed to signal it was tea time. I picked up my cake and took a bite. The lemon flavor actually complimented the vanilla cake wonderfully. “I wonder whatever happened to her because I never saw her at the hotel and she seemed to bring people there.”

“She wasn’t there when it burned,” I said, “We washed up on a coastal shelf after the fire and she washed up there too,” I figured to make the story basic I was going to omit some things, namely Ishmael, Friday, the Medusoid Mycelium unleashing itself on the island. Justice Strauss carried a tea tray over and we took our cups.

“How long ago was that now?”

“Five years, give or take a few months,” I said, “We stayed on the island for about a year after washing up there. We took care of Kit’s baby, or helped.”

“Kit?”

“Kit Snicket, the taxi driver. You might have heard of her brother, Lemony Snicket, he’s been reported on by the papers and assumed dead.”

“I have heard that name before.”

“The Snicket siblings are Volunteers too,” Sunny said, “noble.”

“And Olaf? I seem to recall he was there, that villain,” she said and I took initiative to lie here because if she knew the truth it could screw up what we needed Olaf for.

“He’s dead,” Violet said, “He died on the island after he released a dangerous fungus on the islanders.”

“Serves him right.”

“Justice Strauss, we actually did come to use the library if you’ll let us,” I said, “I think I’ve seen before that you have the book we need.”

“My library is always open to you lovely individuals. I suppose I can’t call you children anymore. Come,” she got up and carried her cake and tea, “Let’s get to the research shall we.” We all followed her through the house and the breezeway to the library and she opened the door to knowledge. I smiled.

“My sisters and I thank you greatly,” I said appreciatively.

“So I have another question before we begin our research, what ever became of the fortune Olaf was trying to take from you children? I read only a few days ago the city’s main bank burned down.”

“It wasn’t there,” Violet said, “We transferred it to a safe when I became of age two years ago. But another fortune, owned by the Quagmire family, was destroyed.”


	19. If You Want To Hurt Him, You'll Have To Hurt Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys!
> 
> As always keep up on hitting, kudos, and hey even comment if you have a suggestion for the misery of this story or just want to tell me your thoughts! I'd love to hear them.

CHAPTER 19

OLAF

 

At about noon Katherine and I were in the living room of the penthouse when the doorbell rang loudly and echoed through the whole place. “Who could that be at this hour?” she got to her feet, her black boots clicking as she walked to the door and opened it. I watched her from the couch as she led in Jacques Snicket whose eyes locked on me.

“Olaf.”

“Snicket.”

“So, is this your plan? Go after the Snicket fortune by marrying my sister like you tried to with Violet Baudelaire?” I rose to my feet and I took out the knife on my belt. Katherine stepped in the middle of me and her brother, effectively blocking either of us from the other so if we’d wanted to try something we’d have to hurt her to do so. “If either of you attempt to hurt the other, you’ll have to hurt me to do so. Don’t be unwise, because I know both of you don’t want that.”

“Snicket, if you recall I promised to only kill you and your brother. I’m not interested in your fortune, in fact I already have the pride of your family that I wanted all along so for once I could give a flying shit about your money. But you and your brother, I still want dead. I’ll admit that.”

I suppose Snicket realized I was talking about Katherine, who still stood between us with her own knife drawn always ready for anything, especially an attack. “I don’t believe that for a second.” he stepped closer like he was going to come at me and I raised my knife to slit his throat but before I could Katherine had taken her brother’s arm and flipped him over her and I smirked, enjoying every second of watching her skills. He lay on the ground at her feet.

"Understandable," I took a step not towards Katherine who still held her knife. She glared at me and her brother.

“Jacques. Get up. Both of you. Sit down. Now.”

“So twisty,” I said to Katherine, “and I love it.”

Snicket rose, then he and I took seats in the armchairs in the sitting room and Katherine took my knife and Snicket’s, placing them on the fireplace mantle that she stood of to guard them. “Kit…” Snicket began but she cut him off.

“Shut up, both of you idiots. I’m not in the mood for this today so you two best behave or I kill both of you right here,” she stood on the lower mantle of the fireplace even though there was no fire there now. “Now, Jacques my dear brother, I suppose you’re here about the Baudelaire siblings but they’re out right now. I think they went to go to the Daily Punctilio.”

“Why the devil would they go to that awful newspaper’s headquarters?” Snicket asked and I thought it too. I didn’t understand why that pathetic excuse for a newspaper still ran.

“Eleanora Poe.”

“The Poe’s survived the Denouement fire?”

“Only Eleanora did,” she corrected him, “Arthur died I’m certain of it even though I haven’t seen the death certificate. And quite honestly, I’m surprised she did.”

“I never liked her much,” Snicket admitted, “I was going to ask you, Sister, do you mind if I stay until the Baudelaires return so I can speak to them?”

“I suppose as long as both of you behave. I actually have a question for you, Jacques. We have three pages of Chapter Thirteen of A Complete History of the Volunteer Fire Department concerning the nature of the Great Unknown so I wanted to ask if you had seen any pages that are still missing?”

“Oh, yes.”

Katherine jumped down from the mantle, “Where?”

“Lousy Lane, near the horseradish factory. Actually, the house that once belonged to Montgomery Montgomery. I was there a few months ago investigating another matter and I stumbled upon it and kept it. I have it among my possessions but I can deliver it to you. I would send it with mail but I don’t want to risk it being intercepted.”

“Understand. Also, Jacques, what do you know about the identity of the Veritable French Diner attacker?”

“The arsonist you mean? Lemony and I have a theory,” he said and I just rolled my eyes at Snicket.

“That’s not what she means you blithering idiot,” I snapped, “The night before I burned that diner down one of the ones I trained attempted to kill us.”

“You burned one of the last safe houses we have,” Snicket snarled.

“Jacques. Shut up,” Kit said, “and listen.”


End file.
